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Here is a collection of jokes from the archives of the House of Kiln.
bIHaghbe'chugh vaj bIHegh!
Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, Cmdr. Riker and Cmdr, Data were on the bridge
of the Enterprise. It was an uneventful day, though tensions with the
Klingon empire had been high of late.
Suddenly, Data calls out ''Captain. Klingon Bird of Prey decloaking ahead of us.''
Picard gives a tug on his tunic and says '' It's a good thing, Will, that command wears red.
That way , if we are wounded, the colour of the uniform will disguise it and morale won't
be affected by it.''
Riker was about to reply when Data called out again... ''Captain. Sensors indicate fifty Klingon Battlecruisers decloaking directly astern.''
Riker looks at Picard and says ''Too bad Starfleet doesn't issue brown courderoy trousers.''
How many Starfleet Diplomats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We cannot interfere in what is, by definition, an internal matter of the light bulb.
How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
Change it to what? Why would one desire to change a lightbulb? Your query is illogical.
How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb?
One Hundred one. One to change the bulb and one hundred to sing of the warrior's victory over the dark.
How many Cardassians does it take to change a light bulb?
Four, because there are FOUR LIGHTS!
Lightbulbs...Babylon 5 style
How many Centauri does it take to change a light bulb?
now, only one. But in the old days thousands of Centauri warriors would........
How many Vorlons?
It is done.
How many Shadows does it take?
We like the dark.
What's black & green and looks good on a Romulan?
Disruptor burns!
Two from Sgt. Korg Kiln
How do you get a drink out of a Ferengi??
Stick 2 fingers down his throat...
What's the quickest way to a Romulans heart??
A D'k tahg through the breast plate!!
The reason we don't let Taj at the helm.
And now, the House of Kiln presents the never-ending battle:
Trekker vs. TREKKIE
A Trekker wears a starfleet uniform to a convention
because it's fun.
A Trekkie wears a starfleet uniform to a convention
because s/he has heard that it is in style at the academy.
A Trekker has a Starfleet Academy window sticker on his car.
A Trekkie is cramming for the entrance exams.
A Trekker meets Marina Sirtis/Gates McFadden at a convention,
tells her how pretty he thinks she is,
that it is too bad she is married or he would ask her out.
A Trekkie meets Deanna Troi/Dr. Crusher at a convention,
tells her how pretty he thinks she is,
and asks her if she is still seeing Riker
(Picard, some alien patient, et al).
A Trekker loves watching the show,
nitpicking and discussing it with friends.
A Trekkie loves watching those documentaries filmed aboard the Enterprise.
(we have viewed the "historical documents")
A Trekker thinks Wil Wheaton was a lucky kid, who got to play a kid on Star Trek.
A Trekkie thinks that Wesley Crusher was a lucky kid who got to sit on the bridge.
A Trekker thinks that it is a shame that the show is coming to an end.
A Trekkie thinks that it is a shame that the crew is being reassigned and the Enterprise is being decomissioned.
A Trekker knows that there are gaping holes in the technology,
but ignores them and enjoys the show.
A Trekkie can't wait for the price to come down on those home food replicator units.
A Trekker buys pips for the rank s/he wants to be.
A Trekkie wonders why he is constantly passed over for promotion.
A Trekker tells his/her new girl/boyfriend that s/he really likes Star Trek.
A Trekkie's new girl/boyfriend is an underclassman at the academy.
A Trekker wonders what sex in zero g would be like.
A Trekkie wonders what sex would be like.
Top 10 reasons
Star Trek is better than Star Wars
1. Star Trek movies run in chronological order, Star Wars chapter 1 was the fourth movie
2. Star Wars ships can only do light-speed. Even Pakled freighters can make warp 6
3. No away team was ever captured by spear -wielding teddy bears
4. Two words: No Helmets
5. It took the entire Starfleet, concentrating fire on a single spot, to destroy a Borg Cube: it took only a pod-racer from Tatooine to destroy the Death Star...Twice
6. Three words: Jar-Jar Binks
7. Star Wars is past...We are the future
8. One letter: ''Q''
9. Princess Leia was the only decent looking women in the SW galaxy. Every Starfleet vessel is loaded with them
10. Three words; Seven of Nine
You might be a trekkie if:
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You consider foam latex, spirit gum and chainmail as a business expense |
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you have more toys than your eight year old. |
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you have ever set up a tent outside a Toys R Us at 3 a.m |
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going to your room entails descending below ground level. |
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you consider yourself the clone alien love child of Mulder and Scully. |
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you have mugged someone for their Magic cards |
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Your dice have more sides than a Denny's menu |
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you have gotten drunk at a party , put a lampshade on your head and said "Danger Will Robinson". |
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You have reported for jury duty wearing a Starfleet uniform. |
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while playing bingo the caller yells "B-5" and your response is "shoot! I forgot to set the VCR" |
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Leonard Nimoy has ever uttered a sentence containing both your name and the phrase restraining order. |
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your sexual experience is limited to reading pornography on alt.startrek.porn newsgroups. |
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you can make new additions to this list. |
Last but not least:
If you have woken up on a Sunday afternoon in a hotel lobby clad in full costume with a bottle of Jack Daniels in your hand and Robert O'Reily is snoring next to you....then, in that case, you just might be a KLINGON
Thanks to Barb 'Da Butcher' Metzger
found at www.theonion.com
Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your
software development team:
* 10) "This code is a piece of crap! You have no honor!"
* 9) "A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!"
* 8) "By filing this bug you have questioned my family honor. Prepare to
die!"
* 7) "You question the worthiness of my Code?! I should kill you where
you stand!"
* 6) "Our competitors are without honor!"
* 5) "Specs are for the weak and timid!"
* 4) "This machine is a piece of Gagh! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do
battle with this code!"
* 3) "Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!"
* 2) "My program has just dumped Stova Core!"
* 1) "Behold, the keyboard of Kahless! The greatest Klingon code warrior
that ever lived!"
You're a Klingon! Strong and self-confident, you
are a warrior through and through.
What Star Trek Race Are You?
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If you have a joke, humorous photo, or whatever you would like to submit, send it on.
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Why are you wasting your time here?